When Maeve died, I saw very clearly the two options in front of me, as black and white as it sounds.
In the depths of my grief, I could retreat and become an alcoholic for the rest of my life. I love my wine, and I knew that was a realistic potential for me.
Or I could dig down deep and make something meaningful of her life.
There was - and is - a lot of confusion over how to parent a child who is dead. I know from talking to other loss parents, one of their greatest fears is that their child will be forgotten. And with Maeve, this fear was very real. She never took a breath and the only pictures we have of her are in the hospital room.
I realized that parenting a child who is no longer living can mean creating a legacy FOR her. I wanted to make her famous. In the process, I wanted to create something that I was proud of as well.
Seeing it as black and white, these two diverging roads, helped me make the decision that I was going to go all in on this other path to “make me" rather than break me.